Thursday, May 15, 2014

To Mom With Love

My Mom and I have had many up and downs in our relationship over the years.  She was still quite young when she had me, in a young marriage, and still had a lot of things she wanted to experience in life.  While I wish my parents had stayed together I know young love can often end almost as quickly as it began.

I lived with my Dad and my Step Mom for sometime while my Mom traveled with a dance company.  They later merged with a circus and she worked as a dancer and aerialist (which I will post pictures when I get to Juneau seeing as my pictures are in boxes).  There is nothing like being a child and seeing your parent dressed as a beautiful butterfly dangling from the perch of a big top.  As amazing as it was, as a child you just want your parent.

Shortly after she returned I begged my Dad to let me live with her.  While I wish I could take back those heartbreaking words, I always felt motherly towards my mother (especially since the divorce and his remarriage) as if she needed me to look out for her.   He reluctantly said yes.  I feel that conversation is what complicated our Father/ Daughter relationship...  Like I said I wish I could take back those hurtful words, but I was only a child who felt the need to look after her mom.

When I was 10 we moved to Tacoma Washington which started out with the best of intentions.  My Mom found a creative outlet in music, had a good job, and made some friends.  I struggled with being bullied for being, and I quote "TOO HAPPY".  What the Heck?  After a year or so I made some lifelong friends.  For about five years it was good, but then that turned to bad, and bad turned to worse.  My Mom struggled with depression, abusive relationships, and drug addiction.  Sure I could've retreated and gone to live with my Dad, but again….. Motherly Child.

I know this may seem like such a long way around, but it will all make sense very soon.

I always lived with the fear that one day I would lose my mom, and there were a few times I nearly did.    But since we moved back home to Portland, and I now have a family of my own, we have mended our relationship.  A lot of which I owe to  our new found relationship with God.  I am so thankful he spared my mother, and that she did not die along with her addiction. 

She has since been sober for 11 years

I couldn't just share this photo without sharing our story.  Without it, it wouldn't mean as much.

Just last Saturday she got remarried (since marrying my dad) to a tender hearted man who loves her greatly.  I couldn't be happier for the love they have found and wish them the very best.  

I Love You Mom

2nd photo taken by Amber Grigsby of Darlings and Dames Photography

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